What is shocking, is that this is the third child in our family to be diagnosed with pediatric cancer. My son, as I have previously posted was diagnosed with a cancerous brain tumour called Medulloblastoma when he was 6 years old and my sisters youngest was diagnosed (two years before my son) with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia when she was 7 years old. We are all wondering if this is all an awfully shocking coincidence or if some sinster mutation has affected our childrens DNA.
I feel really bad hoping that the child in England has a different brain tumour to Medulloblastoma. If he has the same, how are they going to feel knowing that a child in our family suffered poorly with it and didn't survive. What if the family want me to give support? I don't feel I would be the best person for that because I cant give postives. My son died.
I can only give info on what went wrong in my sons treatment and advise them on what to look out for, but really I would like for them to have a positive feeling that their child is going to live.
My hands are shaking as I write this. I keep getting flashbacks. The unresolved anger at certain professionals keeps coming back. I keep planning on writing a letter to those people to let them know how they made me feel and that what they did was not right and maybe they wont make the same mistakes again. But I never write the letter. The anger subsides again. I make excuses for them eg understaffed, no department head, unprecedented new cases of childhood cancer being diagnosed etc.
I haven't had any paid work this week to take me out and keep me occupied and feel really too flat to visit friends (plus they are mostly at work anyway) and I feel no motivation to do anything at home. The house is a mess and needs my sole attention at the moment but not tonight. Tonight I am visiting Mr Jim Beam.
2011 is a bad year.